[continued from 12SS Home Page]Last week, Chris "Hollywood" Spencer picked up his first Dark Angel Award, for seemliness solving the problem at left guard. To quote from last week's piece, "I can't wait to see the sequel next week in Chicago!"
Not since CaddyShack II has a sequel sucked so bad, looking nothing like the original. Spencer looked more like the Hollywood Madame, as he let Bear defenders penetrate through every hole imaginable.
I thought too of giving it to rookie punter Ryan Plackemeier, who was asked to put his leg over his head more times than Madonna on an audition. However, just doing your job on punts and field goals isn't enough to earn you an ebony halo and wings. Besides, he's already getting his fair share of slobberknockers from Alan!
No, this week's Dark Angel Award actually is going to someone outside the Seahawks organization, so Mr. Myron Torkulson, step up and be noticed. Not many people know this by Torkulson is the father of the proprietary Scheduling software developed exclusively for the NFL. Shown here working on the original version for Commissioner Pete Rozelle in the early 80s, Torkulson pushed the limits of that original IBM PC to create an application that would take into account all extenuating circumstances, like the Giants and Jets sharing a home field, possible conflicts with playoff caliber baseball franchises in the same cities, and maximizing the fuel efficiency of the Madden Cruiser.
Now comfortably retired in Duluth, Minnesota, living off his fame and outrageous licensing fees, Torkulson's original design is still present in the current day scheduling software, which now has to manage 32 teams, five broadcast partners, including DirecTV and the NFL Network, and of course, scheduling the BYE weeks.
If not for Torkulson, the Seahawks might have had to travel directly from Chicago to St. Louis, without as much as a week to regroup from one of the worst beatings in franchise history. Instead, through the genius of Torkulson, the Seahawks get a week to relax, reflect, and recuperate, before heading to the Special Ed dome to take out all their aggressions and frustrations on a St. Louis team that mistakenly feels it deserves to be on top of the NFC Western division.
So Mr. Torkulson, put down your fly rod, and clear off a spot on the end table, between the ashtray full of Pall Mall butts and half empty can of PBR. You'll need a somewhere to put your Week 4 Dark Angel Award.
